Is that all you are going to wear?

That was the question. There have been variations on that question over the twenty years spent in marital bliss, but the bar was raised this past Monday as I prepped for my early morning bicycle commute.  God bless her heart, I love her, but there are times when I want to hit her with a stupid stick.  When that inclination strikes me, it’s best that I get myself quickly out of her view.  Why?  Because she’s not stupid.  If I’m thinking it, then she knows it – my eyes roll, an eyebrow raises, a slight smirk emerges – without my knowledge.  I know this from the years of being hit with the sarcasm stick.

I’m glad I wasn’t actually in the same room as she was when the question was asked.  Mir was in the kitchen preparing school lunches for our kids while I was in the hallway pulling on a long sleeved bicycle jersey after taking it from the clothes dryer.  My bicycling bibs/tights were already on and a zip up matching sleeveless vest was put on over the jersey.  Yes, I’m styling bike guy and a styling bike guy who has been commuting to work by bicycle for close to twenty years.  I know what to wear when it’s hot outside, cool outside, cold outside, and freezing outside, even when it’s raining.  Not once in those twenty years has the “Is that all you are going to wear?” question been asked of me.  Of course, she’s almost never up early enough to witness my choice of cycling clothing.  It just happened that she was this time.  So, I walked into the living room and within earshot of my still pontificating wife as she continued to elaborate on my clothing choice and how cold it was outside that morning.  Shouldn’t you be wearing more than that?

No.  I rolled my eyes in the safety of the living room, out of sight.  Also by experience, I let her keep talking but didn’t respond.  She also can hear me holding the stupid stick.

I escaped out the front door, unscathed, manhood intact.  There are those who might question that seeing that I was wearing cycling tights.  The ride was excellent, comfortable.  Mir need not have been concerned.

So there is the lesson for any unsuspecting newlywed husbands out there who happen upon this blog.  If you’re going to think any negative thoughts about your wife, make double sure she can’t see you or hear you.  Do not speak, turn your back on her if you have to.  Watch even that.  She will smell the sarcasm.  Take it from me.  I know.

Visit here often for more words of wisdom.