• Things I Should Warn You About

shenrydafrankmann

~ Hopeful honesty from simple sentences

shenrydafrankmann

Monthly Archives: May 2013

The Dad Rule

28 Tuesday May 2013

Posted by shenrydafrankmann in Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

fatherhood, marriage

Do not get that title confused.  I did not say ‘Dad rules’.  Never would I say that.

On any given holiday, whatever the duration, the last hour of said holiday will be saturated with such drama as to negate any relaxation that has taken place prior to the last holiday hour.

That is a direct quote from my dad contract, a contract I have never had the chance to sign nor have I been shown a copy, but it sure as heck must exist.  Without fail, the holiday clause is evoked on a regular basis, enough that I am hard pressed to think of a time when it not been applied.  Should there be any doubt in your mind, oh reader of this pitiful blog, let me remind you of a few examples, most of which have been documented in my blog over the years.

My proud daughter, Alyssa, owner of the kitten she deemed 'Muffin'.

My proud daughter, Alyssa, owner of the kitten she deemed ‘Muffin’.

There was the Muffin incident, Father’s Day 2006.  I had taken Friday off to make it a three day weekend, enjoying several nice bike rides in the course of three days.  Our first family cat, a male who I am sure was eager to escape this world due to being named ‘Muffin’, collapsed at my feet in the downstairs hall as was about to make my way upstairs to bed.  He vomited on my feet, then lay down in front of me in a pool of his vomit, struggling mightily to breathe.   We ended up at an animal hospital that night, surrounding the cage where the docile cat rested as the doctor told us that our cat had fluid in his chest cavity and surrounding his heart.  My final decision as the clock struck midnight on that Father’s Day was to tell the veterinarian to put Muffin to sleep, the last words from my children declaring my certain evil.  Ah yes, such a sweet memory.

“Go ask your mother” has been the escape route of many a father.  In reality that escape route rarely leads to the intended freedom of decision, more often than not ending in a circular route.  Miriam’s modus operandi (I don’t know what that means, but I know what it means) is always “ask Steve”, so I never send the kids to her.  The route is always circular and the pain is of a shorter duration if I simply face it head on when it presents itself.  So I make the tough decisions, more often than not an unpopular decision.  Funny thing is, I was the last one to say goodbye to Muffin the cat that fateful late night, the validation he gave me with a knowing look and quiet mew all I needed to survive the holiday drama clause.  Perhaps he knew, being a semi-guy (sorry, he never had the opportunity to experience fatherhood).

Nuts.  Or lack of.

Printer failures have long been the source of the last hour holiday clause, ruining many a last minute school project attempt.  The rule for printers is that no printer is too expensive or too well maintained to jam or fail when most needed.  If you have spare ink cartridges, the cartridge that goes empty is the only cartridge that you do not have in the printer stand drawer.  I had a double whammy a few years back, our printer ran out of ink and had a fatal jam simultaneously as I was climbing into bed, ready to go to sleep and awake refreshed the next morning after a long weekend.  I ended up in a Kinko’s at 2 AM, flash drive in hand, ordering prints for my son’s school project that was due the next day.

Mechanical failures are a sub clause, I am sure, as breaking machines have often been the source of last hour holiday drama.  My children will be forever scarred after our tiny Honda Civic, loaded to the gills from a family camping trip in the Wisconsin Dells, started smoking and coughing as we drove the toll way home.  I nursed the shuddering vehicle up the exit ramp, twenty miles from home, and cried as the overtaxed motor blew at the top of the ramp.  Providence was on our side that evening, Miriam’s gynecologist passed our car a few minutes after the engine blew, and his family loaded our gear and my family in their van, leaving me to figure out how to get the car home.  One tow truck and a lot of phone calls later, I found my way home at two in the morning.  I was a wreck at work the next day, in the same shape as our ailing Honda.

There has to be a joke in there about being rescued by a gynecologist.  Guess I will have to just say ‘ahhh.. shucks’ to that opportunity.

I came into last evening, the final evening of the three day Memorial day weekend, all set to escape the last hour holiday clause.  Miriam and Nate went out to see a movie, taking a bit of a trip to use a free movie gift card that Miriam had won in a raffle.  Alyssa and I stayed home together, my assistance required for her budget project she was working on for her Economics class.  We went out for a quick bite to eat and stopped off at the store to buy a complete set of spare ink cartridges for our printer.  Yeah, the printer curse was going to be lifted.  Sure enough, we started printing out utility and phone bills, the print faded due to a color ink cartridge going empty.  We were ready, the printer’s intention foiled by our preparation.

Nine PM.  I was feeling good.  I was going to make it into the work week, rested and ready.

My cell phone rang.  The caller ID showed it was Miriam.

“You’re not going to believe this.”  Her tone was subdued, words spoken slowly and carefully as not to bruise.

Oh no.

“The van has a flat tire.”  Ugh.  I should have known.  Miriam is not only mechanically challenged, she has tool phobia.  “And we’re not close to home.  I don’t know where we are at, but I know we’re pretty far away.”

Great.

Mir’s voice rose in panic as I heard the sound of knuckles rapping on the car window.  I heard my panicked wife explain through the glass that her husband was coming to help.

“Get here.  Quick.”  Miriam handed the phone to Nate to give me the instructions to the theater.  I jotted them down, ran out to the garage, grabbed a tire plug kit (yes, I keep one handy) and our portable air compressor (the kind that plugs into a cigarette lighter), as well as some tools and a flashlight.

As I started my car, I looked at the instrument cluster.  No fuel.

Two hours later, I found them.  Miriam had taken a wrong turn on the way home, on top of having a flat tire.  Our cell phone conversations had been interesting, surprisingly without panic, except for each time someone stopped to help her.  Same reaction, same rapping on the car window.

Let me tell you this – the 2004 Nissan Quest is a marvel in automotive engineering.  There is a ton of storage room.  The cabin is spacious.  I found myself asking – where in the heck is the spare tire and car jack?  Those marvelous engineers must have thought of where to put those items as they were getting ready to unveil their new spiffy van design.  To get to the spare tire, one has to lift up the carpeting between the driver and passenger seats.  Voila.  The jack is hidden, once again under the carpeting, under the middle passenger seat.  You have to be an engineer just to figure out how to tilt that seat forward.

Nate was very curious, like any teenage son, as I prepared to change the tire.  There were no ‘Christmas Story’ oh fudge moments, but I did have to resist smacking my mocking son at least once.  He actually was a good help.

We drove off, tire replaced, to the tune of large raindrops hitting the windshield, blue flashes of lightning brightening the silver lined darkness.  All was well as well could be at midnight.  In the middle of nowhere, creeping along as my cautious and frightened bride drove our van with a donut spare on rain soaked streets.

The clause rules.  As did the ‘all hell breaks loose the first day back to work after a holiday’ corollary.

Image

Yes, I was going to use that driver on his head

24 Friday May 2013

Yes, I was going to use that driver on his head

If I didn’t want to risk damaging a nice Burner Superfast driver by knocking my hardheaded son over the noggin, I might have just done it. This picture was taken May 11 at my company’s annual golf outing, our foursome, and I was the proud recipient of the award for the longest drive.

Proud, that is, until my wonderful 13 year old announced “Dad cheated” as I received the award at the banquet that followed the golfing. He meant it.

It’s wonderful being the father of a teenage boy.

Posted by shenrydafrankmann | Filed under Uncategorized

≈ 8 Comments

Yay, You Pee’d

21 Tuesday May 2013

Posted by shenrydafrankmann in Uncategorized

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

camping, pope in the woods, potty training

Today, I am going to pass on a little story my mom shared with my family yesterday.  Sharing anything from my mom can be a risky proposition.  Just ask my kids.  They are hoping the apple fell reaaaaal far from the tree.

Without further adoodoo, my mom’s pee story.  She’s hoping this story replaces her own ‘Tommy Tippee’ story from our childhood:

Hello!  Thought you might get a laugh out of one of our camping memories from this past weekend at Morraine View State Park! Paul & Melissa along with little Tyler decided to try out a new tent and see how Tyler would do on an overnight Saturday. Their tent has a little screened vestibule in front so they brought along Tyler’s potty since he has been doing so good with his potty training and put it in the screened-in section of their tent. Tyler did real good and went to sleep just fine. Tyler’s mommy needed to take a trip for toileting and hated to wake us up in our trailer as it was quite early in a.m. so she decided to use Tyler’s potty. One thing she forgot was the musical tune it played when Tyler had success using it was still on plus the “YAY” sound following the musical tune. I bet the raccoons in the woods wondered what those crazy people that camp are doing now! Haaaaaaaaaa!

These are memories that last from camping experiences. Some we can laugh about and others not I guess. All in all, our family has had many fun times around campfires and experiencing God’s outdoors. Happy summer everybody.

Grandma Becky

The Way We Swing

20 Monday May 2013

Posted by shenrydafrankmann in Uncategorized

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

children, music, retirement, youth

Miriam smacked me on my left arm, one of those playful backhanded slaps intended to get my attention. Her left hand covered her mouth in an attempt to disguise her amusement.

2013 Windsor Park gig 022
“Can you hear them?” she questioned in a whisper.
Well, yeah, the girls flute choir was playing quite well, especially for a bunch of 10-12 year olds. It didn’t hurt that my 17 year old daughter and her friend Kate, the leaders of the flute choir, were playing along for the little concert. Alyssa and Kate volunteered to lead the flute choir a few years ago, when they both transitioned from middle school to high school, and the group had turned into a showcase for the school’s band program. They play for community events and retirement villages, like the concert they were playing at the moment, at the retirement village where Miriam’s father lives. The girls are a very talented ensemble and their band director is very proud of them.

“They’re all talking about her.” Miriam motioned with her eyes in the direction of Kate, a tall brunette. Kate was wearing heels and a short black skirt with a sheer blouse. In any other place, her choice of clothing would be tasteful, enough that had Miriam not pointed it out, I would not have noticed. After all, I have a teen aged daughter, so I am used to seeing girls dressed like Kate was dressed.

But 80-90 year old residents of a retirement village are not used to seeing short skirts. I had to chuckle a bit as I noticed where many of the male residents were seated. Amongst the female residents, there was scandal in the air with many whispered daggers as the women leaned towards each other, unaware that their mature whispers were not quite as hushed as they thought they were. They shared the scandal with each other, then turned a sweet smile to the performers as they clapped in appreciation, their disdain hidden behind Polident grins.

I am not sure Kate was aware of the uproar her skirt was causing, although I noticed her tug at the skirt as she returned to her seat after the song was through. She is a tomboy sort, an equestrian who I have seen in jeans and tee shirts ever since she was a little girl. I am quite sure that she was oblivious to the scandal. To her, she had dressed nicely for the event, modest compared to the high school environment she is accustomed to.

Next up were Nate on alto sax and Jimmy on tenor sax, playing a lively version of ‘In The Mood’. The version they played was written to be played with an electronic track, the jazz orchestra mysteriously providing accompaniment. The whisperers turned their attention to the iPod that provided the orchestra track. What’s that thingie-ma-boob? I heard one skirt naysayer proclaim into the ear of the woman next to her. A snort snuck out of me as I tried to stifle a guffaw. As the saxophones crooned the familiar tune, the mood changed from scandal to fond memories, toes tapping as the smiles revealed memories of time gone by. I watched the faces as the music took them back to a time when their own fashion, the style of dancing that went along with the music, was likely as scandalous as the skirt they had just scorned. Youthful spirits mingled with the performing youth as the audience found common ground.

 

Odd as that may seem, it’s true. I was struck by the similarities of the two worlds as they met –

Children who spend their time in community as school and activities bring them together, a world where life intertwines in close communication, a time when identity comes from being together .

Adults who have returned from a life spent apart from the community of youth, returning to that close community as they live together. They have returned.

In a way there is a magic that exists, a bit of Peter Pan and Wendy, a mirror image as the two meet. We are social creatures, something that will never change. We really do not change, not deep down. Oh, we may change the way we whisper, our pace, but deep down we will always be the same.

And I will always sit up front.

The Life

15 Wednesday May 2013

Posted by shenrydafrankmann in Uncategorized

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

relaxation, what makes me tick

Unless something blows up in my general vicinity in the next 45 minutes, I have to say that this has been one of the most blissfully slow evenings I have experienced in eons.  Not since I emerged from the tar pits have I had such a wonderful night.

I’m easy to please.

Bike ride.  85 degrees.  Slight breeze.  Sun.  Light traffic.  Easy pace.  Two hours.  Daughter drove by me on her way home, stopped and waved.  Surgically repaired foot did not swell, bark, or do weird things.  Nice fish dinner.  Ice cold water.  Cleared space and swept out my man cave out in the garage.  Hot shower.  Deposited the check I got in the mail today, my NCAA basketball pool winnings.  Shorts and tee shirt on the couch while listening to the Cardinals smoke the Mets.  Dog snuggled next to me with his chin on my chest (definitely my best friend).  Writing a blog.  Made a snide comment on Ned’s blog.  Kids are quiet.  I can feel the pleasant buzz of fatigue settling in as my body gets ready for bed.  Wife is out chatting with a friend.

Ahhhhhhh.

All I really need to make me happy is a pleasant evening, a bike ride, a decent meal, peace, my dog, a ball game, and a chance to empty the words out of my brain.  Oh, a cold beer might be nice.  Homemade ice cream.  A woman nestled comfortably in my arms (maybe even my wife).  Bills paid.  Chores done.

That’s it.

This can’t be real.

Hail To The Member

14 Tuesday May 2013

Posted by shenrydafrankmann in Uncategorized

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

Committee, Cycling, member, official

This meeting is now called to order.

Did I just see a yawn?  I’m used to that. This is my blog after all.  And, no, I am not calling a meeting.

Bow to the card.

Bow to the card.

I am o-fish-ull now.  This past Tuesday night I was sworn in, with my right hand raised and the index/middle finger in the air (simultaneously, not just the middle finger), I took the oath to serve my municipality as an appointed member of a city council committee.  The mayor asked me to repeat the oath after him and we both solemnly swore.  I repeated everything he said —

“Oh wah, ta goo, siam”

Not really.  The mayor was as serious as anyone can be when facing me.  It did help that he was a bit perturbed at me because I was ten minutes late for the meeting.  I had a good excuse — I had just finished a bike ride, an appropriate alibi for someone appointed to serve on a committee whose purpose is to promote bike riding in our community.

This is serious business.  Oh, the name of the committee does not sound all that exciting — Bicycle & Ped Safety Advisory.  While it does not sound like the committee has the power to do anything, thus the “advisory” role, we do have the power to influence the mark our community makes, it’s reputation.  The committee is our mayor’s baby, one that as a cyclist he wants to see succeed, and he is backing us.

In a way, I feel like I have been issued a gun without the bullets.  It would be easy to feel that way.  Our committee is able to make recommendations, such as where to put signage or signals, bike lanes, or what roads require modification for cycling, but we can not make the final decision.  We are ambassadors, hosting safety clinics and trail cleanups, serving as liason to the herds of bike clubs that ride through our town and communicating with the running clubs that use the trail systems around town.  We have a purpose and really it’s more like being issued a full squirt gun.  At least when can make someone flinch.

So I am officially an official.  I like that I am contributing to my community and I feel proud.

And I have a card to prove it.

Image

Living on the Edge

05 Sunday May 2013

Tags

camping, Dad Daughter, Ford Edge

Living on the Edge

Better than a hotel room and a equally better price.

The Ford Edge we rented was so cool and our tent is huge. No worries and such a calm, relaxing trip with my daughter.

Posted by shenrydafrankmann | Filed under Uncategorized

≈ 6 Comments

Roughing It

03 Friday May 2013

Posted by shenrydafrankmann in Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

camping, college visit, father daughter bonding, road trip

2010 Ford Edge - Left Rear

2010 Ford Edge – Left Rear (Photo credit: Jim Trottier)

My daughter and I are on a short road trip together.  We’re visiting potential colleges.  Today was Grace College in Winona Lake, Indiana.  Tomorrow is Taylor University in Upton, Indiana.  Alyssa apparently has been advised that close proximity to corn fields increases learning potential.  Her strategy is real clear to me, her oh so wise father, and I am not hiding the fact that I am on to her.  She wants to show me colleges smaller than the one she really wants to go to before we visit the one she already has her heart set on, which is Taylor University.  We dropped by there this evening to pick up the itinerary for tomorrow’s tour.  Honestly, I can already see why she wants to go there.  And it feels like a good choice.  After all, there really is nothing but corn and one diner in the town.  The college is all that the little town has.

Also, we’re roughing it on this trip.  Oh, we may be sitting next to each other at a Starbucks right now, commenting on our Facebook pages while sitting two feet from each other, but we are roughing it.  Oh, we may have rented a cool Ford Edge all decked out with leather and all the goodies, but we’re roughing it.

My daughter has no qualms about sleeping in a tent.  We’re tent camping.  No fancy schmancy hotel for us.

We’re having a blast.  Also, we are monster tent assemblers.  The Taj Mahal tent we have went up without a hitch both last night and today, even while setting it up in the dark.  I can’t hang wallpaper with my wife, but I can set up a tent with my daughter.

And there you have it.

Oh, yes.  Yes you do.

Yes, I really do say these things

  • My Father is Yacky
  • Image Bearer
  • Evening Ramble
  • Exposure of the Indecent Kind
  • Just Say Gnome

Yes, I really did

  • January 2023
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  • December 2012
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Categories

My brain hurts with you

  • January 2023
  • December 2022
  • November 2022
  • September 2022
  • August 2022
  • July 2022
  • March 2022
  • January 2022
  • December 2021
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  • December 2012
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Blogs I Follow (and maybe even read)

  • glennkaiser.com
  • There and Bach Again
  • Dean
  • Southern Georgia Bunny
  • The Rambling Biker
  • Storyshucker
  • Ah dad...
  • Squeeze the Space Man's Taco
  • I didn't have my glasses on....
  • kidscrumbsandcrackers
  • longawkwardpause.wordpress.com/
  • Cycling Dutch Girl
  • The Shameful Sheep
  • Blog Woman!!! - Life Uncategorized
  • Life in Lucie's Shoes
  • Fit Recovery
  • lifebeyondexaggeration
  • Globe Drifting
  • I AM TOM NARDONE
  • Cathy's Voice Now

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glennkaiser.com

There and Bach Again

a teacher's journey

Dean

Marketing major. Outdoor sports lover. San Diego living.

Southern Georgia Bunny

Adventures of an Southern Bunny everything from dating, sex, life and shake your head moments.

The Rambling Biker

Roaming & Rambling in search of MTB Stoke

Storyshucker

A blog full of humorous and poignant observations.

Ah dad...

I need the funny because they're teenagers now

Squeeze the Space Man's Taco

A journey into Cade's world

I didn't have my glasses on....

A trip through life with fingers crossed and eternal optimism.

kidscrumbsandcrackers

Kids - I`m like the old woman who lived in a shoe - Crumbs, my house is full of them - Crackers, Im slowly going

longawkwardpause.wordpress.com/

Cycling Dutch Girl

the only certainty is change

The Shameful Sheep

Blog Woman!!! - Life Uncategorized

Mother, Nehiyaw, Metis, & Itisahwâkan - career communicator. This is my collection of opinions, stories, and the occasional rise to, or fall from, challenge. In other words, it's my party, I can fun if I want to. Artwork by aaronpaquette.net

Life in Lucie's Shoes

Life in a bubble: a dose of New York humor with an Italian twist!

Fit Recovery

Stay Clean Get Fit

lifebeyondexaggeration

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stranger

Globe Drifting

Global issues, travel, photography & fashion. Drifting across the globe; the world is my oyster, my oyster through a lens.

I AM TOM NARDONE

Cathy's Voice Now

Sharing my "voice"

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