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Yes, I said “blue weiner”.

Saturday I discovered the other effect riding a bicycle too long has on my body.  My feet were not the only limbs that required thawing out before I limped into the shower.  Gingerly I placed myself in the tub, allowed the lukewarm (not hot) water to pour over me, careful to make sure that my frozen toes did not receive a direct hit from the shower spray.  I had allowed time for my body to thaw out before getting in the shower, ate some hot soup, consumed some hot coffee, waited for my tired legs to return to some semblance of normal.  If I had simply gone right for a hot shower before thawing a bit, my frigid feet would have been burning with pain.  My body relaxed as the warm water soothed.  I snorted the bar of Irish Spring in my hand, my eyes opening wide, the cleansing ritual about to commence.  Scrub a dub dub.  Pits, neck, arms, chest, and… wait.  Something was, argghhhhh, was BLUE!!!  Say whaaaaaaaat?

Oh geez, if it’s frostbitten then I have to go to the emergency room.

“What seems to be the problem, Mister Henry?”

“Ummm… well.  It’s cold outside.  Real cold.”

“OK.  Can you tell me the problem?”

“My weiner is blue and I am afraid it is frostbitten.”

“Heh.  Let me take a look, Mister Henry.”

What would be the treatment for that?  Massage to restore the blood circulation?

Oh geez, am I getting rude here.  Looks like my true colors (snicker) are coming out.

To make a long story short, Little Henry eventually returned to his proper hue.  All is well, the hospital spared a case of frostbite.

Note to self — get some insulated bike shorts……

Saturday afternoon presented another challenge to my extremities.  The family van required urgent attention.  Thursday evening, as I pulled into our driveway, Miriam was waiting for me in our van.  She had just been informed that the brake lights were out and needed my confirmation.

Yep, the middle and driver’s side lights were out.  Mir was frantic, as she usually gets (cough, cough), didn’t know what to do, didn’t know if she should drive the van.  Really there was no choice.  I was not about to leave the house as I was tired and ready to relax.  She can’t drive the PT Loser.  It doesn’t have power steering right now.  I told her to go and if she gets pulled over, explain that she just found out about the lights being burned out — and that she would have someone replace them on Friday (cough, cough — it’s always my job to get it done).

So here I was Saturday afternoon, rubber gloves on, cursing the numbskulls who made that upper middle brake light bulb so difficult to get to as my fingers turned to ice.  I got it done, even replaced the windshield wipers and fluid while I was at it.  I came in the house gritting my teeth as my fingers burned while they thawed.  But I got it done.

There are other winter woes.  My PT Loser is always a challenge since it rarely has enough power to start the engine on the real cold days.  I can jump start the car in a minute now.

The kids haven’t gone to school on a Monday since before Christmas.  They are out today due to cold weather, likely will be tomorrow also.  Nate loves it.

Insulated bike shorts…..