January is clean slate month, right? Right? RIGHT? Hey, I am asking you a question.. right?
I’m holding the virtual felt eraser in my hand right now, poised over the chalkboard of my life and wiping for all I am worth. Pressing. Spitting. Yet there are some things that have been there so long that they are still showing, impervious to that virtual eraser, stubborn.
I scowl. OUT DAMN SPOT!
There are relationships added to that board so heavily, so deeply that they will always show. It will take more than a simple swipe to make them go away. Forgiveness, seemingly so simple a concept made complicated by the less simple ability to forget. They are a stain that might be better covered over or replaced.
Some go away easier than others, the powder released to the air or the chalk tray with little to no effort. A debt. A task. A goal. Accomplished and gone from my life, perhaps relegated to a more permanent list of successes rather than the fuzzy list of challenges. I smile as those challenges fade away, satisfied that I was blessed with the strength or resource or resolve needed to wipe them away.
I want my slate to be clean. There is more to write and that requires room. I like that some still shows through, a reminder of what I need to know when the chalk hits that board again. Blessings will make room for challenges, challenges that may just be easier to erase come next January.
I refinanced my mortgage last week, shortening the term and reducing the monthly payment, as well as giving me a month’s break from making a payment. A blessing that made room for another payment, what remains of my daughter’s Spring college cost, almost exactly the same amount of a mortgage payment.
A pleasant holiday, usually one of the most stressful times of the year in my marriage, has made living in my house easier. There is a lot of stain from that relationship on my chalkboard, but a little has faded for now, giving me a chance to think. I need to think, need to decide, need to find a way to remove that one from the chalkboard. That one is a deep stain and I don’t have the desire to do anything about it right now.
But I want a clean slate.
There is my son, somehow looking at me more like his father than his opponent right now. That one seems to be wiping clean. We shall see what this year adds to that part of the slate.
I almost bought myself a bike yesterday. I couldn’t. Good thing. My daughter needs a new computer. Add that one to the slate. Dad will sacrifice what he wants for one more year.
Dang. This one turned negative. Add self pity to that board! Maybe I should try to wipe that one away? 🙂