I remember where I was that fateful day, that day when. You know what I mean, at least I think you might, because there are a whole lot of people in the same boat as me.
That day when you discovered The Walking Dead.
My life has never been the same since. I was stranded in my bed, helpless, just like Rick Grimes, unable to move, drugged and oblivious to the world around me. Muscle relaxers had left me in a haze, my lower back a nightmare that sought relief. That relief was found binge watching the entire first season on my iPod.
Ever since a question has haunted me. Through six seasons watching I have seen Shane succumb to his crazy lust, Andrea’s inability to kill that which she knew would eventually kill her, the Governor massacred during his rage fueled by insane revenge, countless characters dead by weakness. Most just did not have what it takes to survive a zombie apocalypse. And I ask myself — do I, Steve, have what it takes to survive a zombie apocalypse?
There has to be a Facebook quiz that will answer that question for me.
Choosing my best weapon would not be all that difficult. I can’t shoot a gun, don’t have a clue on how to use a gun. A gun would be out for me. Zombies would be slathering me in Heinz 57 before I figure a gun out.
I think one of those samurai swords that Michonne uses would be cool, but frankly I am pretty sure that sooner or later I would end up accidentally sitting on it. Now and then, I get a case of the klutz.
A crossbow might be practical, just as cool as a sword. But there is the annoyance of carrying around arrows and retrieving them bloody from a redeceased zombie. Cleaning would be necessary. I am a guy. Enough said.
Guns and samarai swords would be in short supply during a zombie apocalypse, I imagine. My weapon of choice would be much easier to find, something I am very familiar with.
And a nice, big, huge, humongous hunting knife to use as a backup… and to slice my salami. In a zombie apocalypse, I would survive on salami and Twinkies, washed down with cherry Koolaid.
I would survive a zombie apocalypse. No doubts here. There’s no question that I could slay zombies. I have the gumption. To kill a zombie, I would just imagine that each one was my ex-boss.
Would you survive?