I really need to learn how to make lemonade. Little Stevie has been turning tiny fruit into enormous entities.
Today showed me that.
Let me start with the lemon that finished me off. It was a itty bitty Lemonhead, to be honest, one that I think I could have avoided. Can I admit that there are times when skipping church can be OK? I should have skipped this morning’s service. I should have just avoided. I knew what was on the service agenda. My church is ambitious, intent on growing and reaching as many people for God as possible. That really excites me, especially since I know from watching the church grow over close to 30 years that it is blessed. In order to grow, that means expanding. Expanding requires money. This morning was going to be a commitment service, with members being asked to commit to giving more over the next two years. That requires faith beyond what I have. Either that or God is telling me that I am not being asked to commit to giving more.
I hate that. Damn it, God, I really do hate that! After searching, working out the financial details, praying about it, I had to decide that going beyond what I have in order to give to a church building project is not wise. God wants me to be a good steward. God is not asking me to step out in faith and make money appear out of nowhere. So I signed the commitment card any way, said that I am committing to give $25 a month more, walked up front and dropped it in the basket.
Remember the story in the Bible about Ananias and Sapphira, the couple who sold a piece of land to give the money to their church, lied about the price when they gave the money, and dropped dead as a result? It’s in Acts 5 if you want to check it out.
I returned to my seat, stood with everyone while we sang. All of a sudden, I felt very ill, nauseated and so dizzy that I felt like I was going to collapse. I sat down. That didn’t help. Trying to be brave, I sat up straight, all the while feeling like any moment I was going to pass out. The anxiety was building. I didn’t know what was happening, but I was pretty sure that a good deal of how I felt at the moment had to do with that anxiety.
There are a lot of lemons in my life. Anyone who reads this blog knows that. I let those lemons be a lot larger than they need to be. This morning, they about crushed me.
It didn’t help that yesterday I rode close to three hours, only drank about a quarter of the one water bottle that I brought with me. More than likely, I was still a little dehydrated this morning. Also, when I had that accident at the beginning of January, my blood pressure was around 170 over 102. That scared the people who looked me over at the hospital after the accident. They discharged me with a warning to go have my blood pressure checked by my doctor. I chalked that up to the shock I was experiencing due to the accident, so I didn’t do anything about it.
So I forced myself to get up out of my chair in the church auditorium at the end of the service. I was afraid. I was dizzy, my gut churning, but walking helped a little. I got in my car and it all came back.. worse.
Long story short, I managed to drive myself to a convenient care. They took one look at me as I walked in and immediately they grabbed a wheelchair, took me back to exam. After determining that it wasn’t my heart, they told me that there was definitely something doing on, but they needed me to go to the ER. A few minutes later, I was in an ambulance and on my way to the hospital.
My heart rate was 165 over 102. I was discharged a few hours later with a prescription for high blood pressure medicine. Likely culprit is stress and dehydration, with a diet high in caffeine and sodium.
You know what sucks? Our current health insurance situation. At one point during my examination in the ER, an intake person came in with a portable computer system, told me that I needed to pay the $600 deductible then. A big lemon smacked me in the gut.
I about passed out then. At that point, it was a real good thing that Miriam had arrived. She took over. Turns out she has a credit card that I didn’t know about.
Good things — really all this means is that I am going to have to be on blood pressure meds for a while. There will be a diet change required, something I was already contemplating. Coffee will likely no longer be a morning staple. Salt, something I usually overdo, is going to go away.
And today’s events meant Miriam and I talked about our money situation a lot more, without resistance. That has been improving as of late, something I have been increasingly pushing and both of us becoming more aware of.. and I have really been stressing over our money. I don’t feel as alone at the moment when it comes to that. And my wife cooked for me when I got home, put together a menu and grocery list together, and she is doing the grocery shopping for this week.
Time for those lemons to shrink to lemonade size.
Blog Woman!!! said:
Real life really sucks sometimes…. but it looks a little better when you’re not alone in seeing something has to be done. I know the value of health, and I wish you the very, very best of it. Take good care, and take that seriously. Remember you’re a bike rider for two! And who knows, maybe dozens of us. 😀
I am quitting caffeine and did not have my usual coffee this morning. This will likely serve as the kick in the pants that I needed.
Damn Steve… Ya gotta love that woman. She tries to attend to a lot of stuff but when you really need her, bam, there she is.
What is happening at churches nowadays is disgusting. It’s awesome how, when you rely on someone else’s money, all you have to do is ask, or in the case of government take, more. I’ll tell you what, done properly the church shouldn’t have to ask you to give more. The church should pray that you make more, thus you will have more to give.
You do not hurt your family so the church can grow.
Because you’re a lot like me, you’re going to take a lot of what happened the wrong way. I’m assuming here, so I may be an ass, but that credit card you didn’t know about is going to mess with you. Titanium Henry, Steve, look at me brother: You just gotta love ’em.
That sentence means about six different things too. Starting with “don’t expect them to be someone else for you”.
You know, I had a moment to think about my harshness toward the church and I may have been wrong, or maybe hasty. The “give more” drives are geared at those who can. If, after honest assessment, I cannot, I don’t feel guilty. On the other hand, there’s no doubt the correlation between not being fearful when giving and receiving greater rewards. That’s a pickle. The rest, about your wife, stands. Find a way to love her like she’s the only woman on the planet and see what happens. Trust me, it works, and pays in happiness. Heal fast, bro. And ride harder… just not yet. Get that BP under control.
Agreed that fund drives are more for those who can. I just wish I could and understand the benefits from what will be built. My church is a pretty good place.
Baby steps with the wife. I think yesterday may have opened our eyes a little more.
I’m riding as soon as the new wheel is fixed. The bike shop owner stopped by this morning to pick it up.
Awesome. Baby steps are steps and that’s good enough. Take care, my friend.
i don’t think that anyone, god included, would want or expect you to give more than you can. stress can be a great leveler, take care of yourself –
Agreed. It’s not guilt, it’s just a desire to give that bothers me.
Hope you are feeling better. I suffer with hypertension.. It sucks. Sorry to welcome you to the worry group.
Secret credit card to the rescue eh…
I am not what is worse — the hypertension or trying to deal with what doctors take my insurance!
It is rather ironic isnt it? Try not to stress sir, oh and here is your enormous bill and your insurance doesn’t work here. Good grief.
Blair (The Shameful Sheep) said:
Scary. I hope you are feeling better soon. When you commented the other day “I almost passed out in church” on one of my posts, I thought you were being funny. Didn’t realize you were having an actual medical emergency. Damn. I hope you get your blood pressure under control and get some stress relief as well. Interesting your wife had a secret credit card, though. Even more so that it saved the day lol.
Still working on the blood pressure thing.
Take things easy, I hope you feel better soon x
NO WAY! 60 miles on my bicycle in the last two days. I’m not letting this slow me down.
My legs are aching with the thought of that! 😨