If you chose to read this blog because you thought the title read “Steve’s van Winky”, then shame on you.

Tomorrow night, I pay someone to watch me sleep.  Usually, that’s my bosses job, but he pays me, not the other way around.  It might cost less money if I just made my wife extra angry.

I’m full of bad jokes and will never apologize for it.

Is it strange that I am looking forward to the sleep study?  I am.  The doctor told me that the place where the sleep study is performed is like a really nice hotel room without windows.  And he also told me they will give me all the ice cream that I want.

Oh wait, that’s what the doctor told me when I was six and about to get my tonsils out.  They gave me ice cream AND strawberry Jello then.

I should probably put my pajamas in the wash right now.

What I am not looking forward to is the potential of needing to sleep with one of those CPAP machines.  Those masks look awful.  If it means that I will not wake up with a flock of female geese gathered outside of my window, then I guess it is worth it.

Do I need to explain that last joke?

My doctor suggested a pulmonary test and evaluation for sleep study after my recent bout with dizziness and hypertension.  Sleep apnea could be contributing to the high blood pressure.  I have been snoring roughly since I turned 50, loudly so I am told, enough that I often am awarded my own hotel room when I take trips with the guys.  So, if the machine solves the snoring issue, I guess it is worth it.  What I do know is that I don’t have many of the symptoms that go with sleep apnea — I don’t have fatigue during the day, I don’t fall asleep while reading or in church (well, maybe in church), and I …… zzzzzzzz…

I do know that snoring has helped me to sleep better.  I get a whole bed to myself.

For those who don’t know what sleep apnea is, sleep apnea means basically that a person stops breathing while they are breathing, usually because loose tissue blocks or obstructs the airway when the body is prone and relaxed.  That is why most people snore when they are on their back.  The brain is telling the lungs to breath, thinks it is happening, but it’s not happening.  Usually the struggle to breath causes a person to wake up, many times not consciously, and usually many times in an hour.  That is why daytime fatigue is a symptom of sleep apnea.  During the sleep study, the patient is monitored to see how many times they stop breathing an hour.  There is a scale that determines the degree of sleep apnea.  Generally, if one stops breathing more than five times an hour, then sleep apnea is diagnosed.

I wonder how difficult it is to sleep with a bunch of wires attached to me?  I guess that I am going to find out real soon.  If only I were allowed to bring my cat with me to the sleep study, because then I would have no problem sleeping.

Yes, I am a man who likes cats.  And maybe sleep studies.

OK, well, wish me a happy study.  I’ll be dreaming of you all.