Tags
anger, faith, God, life, marriage, marriage issues, relationships
I need to scream. I am emotionally spent and I have no outlet. I need to be comforted and hugged, but the one I thought would be there for me when I need her touch took that away from me a long time ago.. and she is the source of my frustration.
Where do you go when you need to scream? What do you do?
I want to know.
Do you moan to God like David, at times feeling like God has rejected you? I can relate. I pray for relief, for change, and it seems like I am praying for naught. My prayers feel empty. I have yet to dance naked before God and everyone, like David did in his celebration.
Maybe that’s the answer?
Naaaaaa.
Do you spill your anger out on the people around you, the poison seeping from your pores, dripping from your tongue? My mood threatens to turn black when the screams are trapped inside me, so much that I wish I could run from myself. Instead, I run to a mirror, witness the distressed man that stares back at me, darkness lurking in his eyes, tears pooling. Often enough, I am able to leave him there.
A bicycle provides escape for a time, each frustration shaved away as the pedals turn beneath me. There was a time when the bicycle was the only outlet that I needed. There are times when that is still the case, but more and more the screams stay with me.
I am not a violent man. I can be an angry man, a man I have learned to fight simply because I know that I don’t handle the angry man very well. Never am I tempted to strike out in an attempt to release the screams. I am afraid of what might happen if I did. I want to be angry with my words, but I don’t like to do that, so I hide my words away more often than not. So I need to scream. I want to scream.
I can’t.
I want to scream so loud that it all goes away. The pain. The want. The sacrifice. The woman who complains and takes, who gives so little back.
In a moment, I will retreat to an empty bed. I will wake up to a still empty bed.
And I will live my day craving the opportunity to scream.
Some day it will happen.
shenrydafrankmann 
Been there done that. You deserve love, friendship and dare I say sex. Only you know when enough is enough. Embrace it! In my case it involved washing, ironing and mending all my ex husband things, packing them up neatly, gathering his golf clubs, tools, changing the locks, filing for divorce and yarding his sorry ass all in the same day. It was the scariest yet most liberating thing I have ever done. Never regretted that decision. Freedom is a wonderful thing my friend. (((hugs)))
I have to say, I feel very similarly, but for different circumstances. I spoke with a wise woman at length about how to cope. She said it’s mostly about holding on tightly to the sides of the boat while bouncing in rough water. I’m to scream in the woods to punching pillows to journaling to what feels like endless crying. Whatever it takes to ride out the dark clouds that will eventually blow away too. I’m in need of being able to let go … of horribly hurtful people. Got that down, but still have to work through some events and what’s still at the centre of my frustration and hurt. Then I need to let go of the residue and get to forgiveness.
Yeah, No. Not so easy. I have been taught about how this is quite possible in a holy instant and I have even had that experience, but definitely not for this year’s events. We know all of the suggestions, and yet we don’t. My friend helped me with perspective when she said, you knew one level, you are at work on learning a whole new one, a much deeper level. That’s about the best I can offer, my friend. You know your heart will guide you when you are ready to act and so will the circumstances to support you. In the meantime… whatever it takes to hold onto the boat…
I’m sorry x there will come a time when something will change inside you and you will look in that mirror and say “no more, no longer can I live this way” and you will find the strength to do what you need to do.
Love and strength to you my friend xxx
Brother, when I want to shout about my marriage, and you know I once did (both, “wanted to shout” and “did shout”), I do what works…
I go to the mirror but for a different reason. I shout into the mirror, “What the f*** is wrong with you!”
Until I used the mirror in that manner, I was screwed. I slept on the couch. My problem is I gave my wife the guy I thought I should be, not the guy my wife wanted.
I don’t have your answer but I know mine. Above all, I wish you well.
your heart, your mind, and your body are all screaming out, telling you that you need to make a change. when you are ready to receive the message, and believe it, you will.
Look to your heart, Steve…..only you have the answers. And go to the mountains or woods and scream or cry your heart out. (Your body (and mind) needs the release.)
Namaste, my friend……(((hugs)))
I’m late here. Sorry.
I can not tell you what to do. You know what I think. I pray one day you will find the courage and the will to make the right choice.
{{hugs}}
No problem. I always like to hear from you, my friend! Oh, and I liked seeing that I made your FB top 50. lol
LOL!