Flower Fan

My next door neighbor took this picture of my balcony this afternoon.  Apparently, a large visitor was enjoying my flower boxes — a red tailed hawk!  I wonder if it is the same hawk that said hello to me two years ago?  I hope it at least pulled a few weeds.

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Every Parent

She’s in her element, enjoying the job and place so much that it’s easy to see it’s her life.  The Spring concert for her students was a success, so much of her personality poured into the presentation — a ukelele duet with another teacher, the Imperial March conducted with a light saber, a flute solo accompanied by her students.

As a parent, this is not just a dream to see my daughter flourish, it’s a gift.

Singletrack

Three day weekend.  Enjoying the first serious rides on my new bike.  It climbs like a beast, handles like a dream.  Brown County State Park is Fab!

No longer a phone call away

Today is mother’s day.  I am staying away from Facebook today, avoiding any restaurant that serves breakfast or brunch.  It’s not that I don’t like seeing people honor their mother or celebrating.  On the contrary, I think it’s important that we do.  We all need to take the time to focus on the person who brought us into this world, nurtures us, loves us unconditionally.  Mother’s day gives us the opportunity to feel like we have done that.  Mother’s day is just as much, maybe more, for the children as it is for the mother.

Think about it.  It’s true.  Some give back to their mother well, do things for her and show her how much they love her.  Even that person needs that one day to validate their love, to help them to feel like they have really shown her how special she is.  Others, and I was probably one of them, MUST have a day to do just that.  We need to feel we have shown her.

My mom used to drool over the prospect of one of her sons saying something about her on Facebook.  That medium was her livelihood the last few years of her life, when knee replacement, foot and ankle surgeries made it difficult for her to get around for very long.  Mom was not one to let a walker or cane keep her from being mobile, her stubborn refusal to let anything keep her down one of her endearing qualities.  Those maladies forced her to spend more time in her easy chair, something that was more painful to her than her physical pain.  However, the Christmas my brothers and I chipped in together to give her an iPad changed her world, expanded it, gave her a way to move beyond that cushioned prison.  Mom was a lover, not so much a physical hugger, but nonetheless one who made her friends and family and anyone who came in contact with her feel deeply loved.  Mom had very few superficial relationships.  When that tablet brought into the world of Facebook, every post by one of her boys or her grandchildren or her friends or nephews/nieces received a comment from Mom.  Every picture shared, every little meme or joke or announcement of another Cardinals win received a like and appreciation from her.

She liked it when I reached out to her there every Mother’s day.  For her, it was better than a card.  I could get to her at the beginning of the day, essential for me since Mom and Dad lived three hours south of Chicagoland.  If I remembered to send her a present or a card, which happened most but not every Mother’s day, that would be the best I could do.  I tried to call her early in the morning, knowing that she and Dad would be up early to go to church and then out for a meal.  I can still remember that soft southern drawl, warm and tender, when she answered the phone.  Oh, hello Steve was always the first thing she would say, as if it was a surprise that I called.

This is the first year that I can’t call her.  I have my memories of her, I guess the best way I can communicate with her today.  Mother’s day is now in my heart, a day when I remember the woman who….

Tucked me in every night, until this little boy decided he was too big of a boy for that.

Waited for me to come home during those crazy high school years.

Showed me what it means to not just believe in Jesus, but to know Jesus.  There’s a difference.

Set the bar of honoring my father to a height that no woman will ever be able to reach.

Supported me even when I was wrong.. probably is the reason for my enormous ego.

Demonstrated a strength that every one of her children possesses because of her.

Cried with me when I needed someone to cry with… sometimes there was no one else.. and she never turned me down, never showed me the burden that sometimes carried.

Played the piano with her heart, something it’s nearly impossible to understand until you hear it, but anyone who heard her play knows what I mean.  I went to sleep many a night hearing her heart beat through her fingers on the keys.

This is my first heavenly mother’s day.  I didn’t to call her this morning, but I did get to reach out to her through my words, maybe one of the gifts she passed on to me.

Thanks, Mom.  I love you.  Somehow, it’s OK that you are no longer a phone call away.. because a memory is so much more closer because you are already here.

I gave in and posted this pic on FB, with this message — No phone call to my mom today, but somehow she feels closer.. because she is in my heart. Always cherish this picture of her with us, even though it doesn’t show her face, because it was taken before church — Mark and I and Paul (and Dad) grew up knowing God in a very personal way because of her. She was a passionate and strong woman whose passion for our Lord she couldn’t help but show. Missing her even more today.

Quick

I haven’t been staying away from my blog on purpose, although I have been visiting the blogs of the people I follow here.  That’s more necessary than my own writing, for the time being.  I tend to gravitate to personal blogs, for obvious reasons (that’s what mine has become), and keeping up with the bike rides, moves, teaching moments, personal life change journeys, etc… of the people I know here is important to me.

My life?

Spending time cultivating a friendship with a pretty neighbor, just a friendship and happy that is all it is at the moment.  She’s a friend who holds my hand and encourages me just by wanting to spend time with me.  It’s nice.  That’s nice.

Enjoying even better relationships with all but one neighbor.  I really like the potential of close knit friendships with the people who live close to me.  One neighbor comes by and keeps me company while I am working on bikes in my garage, another comes up just to say hello and catch up on our lives, another just likes to talk, and another goes on an occasional bike ride with me.

New bicycle in my life, a 2019 Salsa Deadwood carbon SLX.  I bought it on credit, a big no no for me, but I needed this bike.  NEEDED.  More reports on that bike will likely follow.  It’s a 29+ bike, with 2.6″ tires (and it will accomodate up to 3″).  Full suspension.  It’s a totally different type of ride than my Specialized Camber FSR… which I sold to a kid last Sunday.  The Camber had a new frame and shifting components and grips — looked and rode like a new bike.  I said good bye to that bike with tears, but it just didn’t fit me.

Driving my daughter’s old Nissan Versa (almost 200K miles) while my son drives my VW.  He totaled his car.  We have to figure out what to do about his transportation when his sister comes back next month and needs her car for the two months she is here.  I just replaced the brake pads on her car yesterday, with more work needed on the front end (crap crap crap).

Time for church.  Parking lot duties this sunny morning.  Wearing my Cardinals jersey since it’s the first Cards vs Cubs weekend series, even though the Cardinals have dropped the first two games.

More to come.