It has been over a year now.  Mom passed at the end of August last year.  The first anniversary of her death has come and gone, uneventful except for a few texts and phone calls with Dad and my brothers.  We are sad, of course, but there is a bit of relief as well.  That may seem odd to say.  It’s true, however.  Mom suffered for over a year, was ready to move on, her eyes on heaven, something she liked to remind us of.  Dad suffered along with her, his life focused on the constant battle with her pain, helpless in a lot of ways.  He did his best, has nothing to be ashamed of, and I think that is helping him now.  I think some people don’t try their hardest when their spouse is suffering, give up in a lot of ways, experience guilt after their spouse passes.  Some just want their spouse to go.  Dad got it right.  I am proud of him.

August is the month for my parents.  Mom’s birthday is in August.  Their wedding anniversary is in August.  Maybe it’s fitting that she died at the end of August.

Dad is 78 years old, still young enough to be active.  He is.  As the time passed after Mom’s death, he has moved past the numbness into a time of grief and loneliness, now is enjoying the time to live without the burden of taking care of someone.  A few times a week, I get report from him about the cars he has driven for his job picking up cars for a dealer.  Yesterday, it was one of my “favorites”, a VW Toureg that he loved to drive and just had to tell me about it, knowing my distaste for VWs after my years driving their money pits.  He has driven Audi, Maserati, Land Rover, Cadillac, Kia, Toyota,… pretty much everything except for Tesla.  For him, it’s a blast.  He is an elder at church now, spends time going to games and events with his sister, is doing all kinds of stuff around the 2 acres he has.  Earlier this year, he planted a large rose garden memorial for Mom.  She loved her roses.

Dad drove up to see Lisa and I last Sunday afternoon.  He had built a garden bench for us out of an old bed headboard and footboard we had rescued from someone’s garbage.  That’s something he also likes to do, woodworking, and the bench is the second he has finished for us.  We will finish it soon, decide where to put it.  Dad took us to lunch, visited with us a little afterwords.  He told us that he took a ‘friend’ to a movie last Friday, the same woman he went to dinner with a few months ago.  I think he wanted to tell us about it, is a little sheepish telling my brothers.  We want him to be happy, know from our own experience that he needs someone to share life with.  It has been a year, we miss Mom, but know she would be ok with him seeing someone as well.  God put us together with a need for companionship, recognized that it wasn’t good for man to be alone, knows that there is a physical connection and an emotional connection that even God can’t fill (yes, I just said there is something God can’t do — I should probably write about that some time….).

I find myself wishing I could talk to my Mom now and then.  She would like Lisa, my girlfriend, just like Dad likes her.  Mom never bonded with my wife, but she would with Lisa, would enjoy getting to know her.  That is something I miss — sharing with her.  It will be fun to catch up when I see her in heaven!