Tonight’s entertainment is the most scintillating show one could ever imagine — the monthly condominium board meeting. Instead of attending in person, which I have to admit that I do (did your nerd alarm just sound?), I am listening to the meeting through a bluetooth speaker. Due to the sharp rise in Covid cases in Illinois, our board decided to conduct their meeting through Zoom and by audio only. That’s a good thing, because usually I am asked to leave due to my snoring.

Tonight is the annual election for the board. All votes are submitted via mail or by dropping off a proxy at the clubhouse. I voted. There is one nazi running for our board.. again. He showed up at last month’s meeting with copies of a map of our neighborhood, marked up to show a tally of the number of units who had put their garbage out the night before pick up, with an added bonus of how many times each unit had violated the no garbage too soon rule in the last three months. He’s my hero… NOT. Need I say that my vote for him was no?

Ooooooo… the board is talking about my building right now, something about a resident in that building being seen repeatly vacuuming his carpet in the nude.

Kidding. Just kidding. I wear a thong.

Thing. Thing a thong. Keep it thimple, to last the whole day longgggggggg.

It’s nearly the time of year to complain about the garbage that my lovely hoggish neighbors from the apartments on the other side of the fence have contributed to the woods that face my balcony. With cold weather creeping in, the trees are nearly done dropping their leaves. Now, all the garbage that was hidden by the greenery is visible. It’s a literal dump. The residents basically toss their garbage towards the garbage dumpsters, some just chuck it over the fence. It’s worse this year than it has been in previous years. I am taking pictures and sending them to the property management this time. That is at the encouragement of a board member. Once before, I filled a construction sized garbage bag and sent a picture to property management. They did nothing.

I am such an old fogie. Next on my agenda is going to be to eliminate the squirrels, who ravage my flower pots and boxes. They are my mortal enemies, not scared off when I vacuum. Putting forks in the pots didn’t deter them. Pepper sauce was only a mild deterrent. I am in search of small handcuffs.

Grrrrrrr… the nazi was elected to the board. Did they even look at the votes?