• Things I Should Warn You About

shenrydafrankmann

~ Hopeful honesty from simple sentences

shenrydafrankmann

Tag Archives: loaning

To Loan or Not to Loan

18 Friday Jan 2013

Posted by shenrydafrankmann in Uncategorized

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

friendship, gratitude, loaning, motivation, philanthropy, things

Image

Nice looking trumpet, eh?  The one pictured is not mine, but I have one just like it.  It’s a Conn Connstellation 38B, probably produced around the same time mine was since the trim and features are identical.  The one pictured could be the twin to mine as it was a few years ago.  It is a gorgeous instrument and an excellent horn that plays so well that guys I know who play professionally have offered me a nice sum for it after playing the horn.

My parents sacrificed a great deal to buy the horn for me when I was eleven years old.  My band director shamed them into buying me a decent horn, telling my mother “c’mon cheapskate,  reward the kid for playing his butt off on that piece of crap he is trying to play”.  And they did.  It made a huge difference, one that paid off by allowing me to play very well even now, forty years later.  I made my parents proud by giving them back some nice accomplishments when I was in school and it has helped me pass the torch.

Which is why I couldn’t give up the opportunity to pay it forward a few years ago.  I saw the chance to help a coworker, a woman with several boys who I knew was struggling to support her family.  When she told me her ten year old son may not get the chance to learn the trumpet because she simply could not find the money even to rent a horn, I didn’t hesitate.  I offered to let her son use my horn.

Yes, I should have hesitated a bit more and thought about it more.  The instrument is a valuable item.  The horn is now considered professional quality, a coveted jazz instrument in particular, with a soft easy tone especially for a trumpet.  The offer for my forty year old horn was first $500 and then went up over $800.  A ten year old boy is likely not going to have the maturity to care for an instrument, that is the reason why there are beginner instruments.  Depending on how long he uses the horn, it is likely not going to as valuable or even hold any value at all.

Not to loan reason — Value.

The kid has excelled as a musician.  He has talent.  Reports back are that playing such a quality horn has been a bit of a factor, if only because the boy is going to get a lot more sound out of a better horn than he would from a beginning level instrument.  I know the reports have been for my benefit, but it’s real obvious that playing a good horn has provided extra confidence for the boy.  That was all part of the motivation to pay it forward.  I know what confidence that horn gave to me as soon as I began to play it at his age.

Reason to  loan — Encouragement

Sometimes I wonder if people, including myself, do things for other people because of how it makes the person giving, not receiving, feel.  You get the satisfaction of doing something that is good.  I want to feel that I am good.  That is likely why I am using the term “pay it forward” when I talk about loaning the trumpet.  I knew it would make me feel good about myself, likely the top reason why I didn’t hesitate to make the offer.  Honestly, I do not know if the motivation was a good or bad thing, but it did cause me to make a decision that I should have thought about more.  But I am also not afraid to say that doing something good for someone else can be the proper motivation.  We need to feel good about it.  I also think that can not be the only reason.  My experience in this situation has taught me that there was more I should have considered, that being the other person involved.

Reason to and not to loan — Personal Motivation.

My trumpet has not been mine for over two years now.  I asked to borrow the horn back at Christmas so I could play in a Christmas concert.  The bell from the horn is bent from being dropped.  It has been carried around in a bag with the mouthpiece in the bag, damaging the nickel finish and putting a lot of dents in the horn.  When I loaned the horn, my family was not happy when they found out because they were looking at how good of a horn it is/was, plus they would not be able to learn to  play trumpet on my horn.  They did not like what I did and they knew, as I did too, that I should have said that the boy could use the horn until they could afford a rental or to buy a horn.  I didn’t.  That was my mistake.  The woman leased a new Chevy Traverse, a vehicle a whole lot nicer than I can afford to drive.  The vehicle showed up a few months after I loaned the horn to her.  I had no reason to be upset about that because I did not say that she needed to give it back to me after a few months.  I said keep it as long as you need it.  I wanted it to be that way.  If I had thought about the other person, I would have made sure the rules were set down.  I really did not help her the way I could have had I thought about it more. If I was meeting the real need, I would have done more than just give her something.  I would have helped her provide something for her son that could become his own.

Reason not to loan — Meeting the real need.

The trumpet is just a thing.  I had to tell myself that in order to let it go, to not be concerned about the condition it would be in when I got it back.  The woman, someone who needed a friend, found someone she could trust.  That is good.  It was part of the reason I didn’t set down any conditions besides “just use it”.  It felt like the THING needed to be offered in an unconditional way in order for the gift to be effective.  The real value was the friendship, not the thing.

Reason to loan — Things are just that.  Things.  Whether it’s a stick of gum, a trumpet, a house or a car.  They are things.

My 13 year old son is showing real musical talent.  I say that about pretty much everything he does.  He shows real talent.  His interest is keen enough that he is playing in our high school’s jazz band, saxophone and guitar, as well as in his middle school band.  I still get asked to play in local gigs with bands I used to play for.  I can get Nate involved also if I do it with him. it would be good for us both.

So this morning I emailed my friend and coworker to ask for the trumpet back, gave her the reason why, and asked her to make sure her son has an instrument to play before she give my horn back to me, even if that means that is the end of the school year.  The response I got back was one you receive from a grateful friend.

I did the right thing.

Yes, I really do say these things

  • Stupid Is
  • Waiting for the transition
  • I’m Bad A@@
  • Knee challenge
  • Ouchie

Yes, I really did

  • May 2023
  • April 2023
  • January 2023
  • December 2022
  • November 2022
  • September 2022
  • August 2022
  • July 2022
  • March 2022
  • January 2022
  • December 2021
  • November 2021
  • October 2021
  • May 2021
  • February 2021
  • January 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012

Categories

My brain hurts with you

  • May 2023
  • April 2023
  • January 2023
  • December 2022
  • November 2022
  • September 2022
  • August 2022
  • July 2022
  • March 2022
  • January 2022
  • December 2021
  • November 2021
  • October 2021
  • May 2021
  • February 2021
  • January 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012

Blogs I Follow (and maybe even read)

  • glennkaiser.com
  • There and Bach Again
  • Dean
  • Southern Georgia Bunny
  • The Rambling Biker
  • Storyshucker
  • Ah dad...
  • Squeeze the Space Man's Taco
  • I didn't have my glasses on....
  • kidscrumbsandcrackers
  • longawkwardpause.wordpress.com/
  • Cycling Dutch Girl
  • The Shameful Sheep
  • Blog Woman!!! - Life Uncategorized
  • Life in Lucie's Shoes
  • Fit Recovery
  • lifebeyondexaggeration
  • Globe Drifting
  • I AM TOM NARDONE
  • Cathy's Voice Now

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 270 other subscribers

Meta

  • Register
  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.com

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

glennkaiser.com

There and Bach Again

a teacher's journey

Dean

Marketing major. Outdoor sports lover. San Diego living.

Southern Georgia Bunny

Adventures of an Southern Bunny everything from dating, sex, life and shake your head moments.

The Rambling Biker

Roaming & Rambling in search of MTB Stoke

Storyshucker

A blog full of humorous and poignant observations.

Ah dad...

I need the funny because they're teenagers now

Squeeze the Space Man's Taco

A journey into Cade's world

I didn't have my glasses on....

A trip through life with fingers crossed and eternal optimism.

kidscrumbsandcrackers

Kids - I`m like the old woman who lived in a shoe - Crumbs, my house is full of them - Crackers, Im slowly going

longawkwardpause.wordpress.com/

Cycling Dutch Girl

the only certainty is change

The Shameful Sheep

Blog Woman!!! - Life Uncategorized

Mother, Nehiyaw, Metis, & Itisahwâkan - career communicator. This is my collection of opinions, stories, and the occasional rise to, or fall from, challenge. In other words, it's my party, I can fun if I want to. Artwork by aaronpaquette.net

Life in Lucie's Shoes

Life in a bubble: a dose of New York humor with an Italian twist!

Fit Recovery

Stay Clean Get Fit

lifebeyondexaggeration

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stranger

Globe Drifting

Global issues, travel, photography & fashion. Drifting across the globe; the world is my oyster, my oyster through a lens.

I AM TOM NARDONE

Cathy's Voice Now

Sharing my "voice"

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
  • Follow Following
    • shenrydafrankmann
    • Join 270 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • shenrydafrankmann
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar