Christmas Past and Present

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Christmas, family, friends, holidays, lessons learned, life, marriage, personal, relationships, writing

Where has the time gone?

I’m old enough now that I can contemplate that question with good reason. Christmas brings many memories, thoughts of my childhood and time with family…and how that dynamic has changed. It’s interesting to be able to look back now, to see different stages of life, how the circumstances of maturity and life’s evolving affected this time of year. I’m a different person now, yet still the same, a sum of the people that made me who I am, and Christmas memories helps me to see them in that light. Viewing each person looking down instead of up, from an adult perspective rather than my childish eyes, adds an odd gratitude. Their memory will always be warm, with those who have passed on forever cherished.

Grandma H, a plump woman whose eyes smiled in a merry fashion. Christmas eve was always spent at her house, the living room at the front of my grandparents’ shotgun bungalow filled with presents for my brothers and I, as well as our two cousins. Grandma loved giving presents, her joy was watching us unwrap each one. My brothers and I always watched with wide eyed amazement while our two greedy cousins tore into their presents, the air filled with flying shreds of wrapping paper, Grandma’s amusement heightened by the debacle. I can still hear her chuckling when the two quickly thrashed through their presents, then offered to help their patient cousins open presents. Each of my brothers enjoyed the thrill of taking our time, and we merely swatted our cousins away. My favorite activity at Grandma H’s wasn’t opening the plethora of presents, however. It was consuming her banana cream pie, the toasted meringue a memory still so sweet I can taste it now. Cousin Brian liked that pie as well, and he still recalls the Christmas where I beat him to the last piece. Grandma H made an extra pie each year following that fight.

Christmas day was always spent with mom’s side of the family, usually a big meal at our house or mom’s sister’s. Christmas presents were not the focus of that celebration, since our families spent Christmas morning at our own house. Grandma and Grandpa S lived close, and mom’s sister lived down the street from us. The food was incredible. My mind brings back the smell of all the food mingled with the sweet scent of grandpa’s pipe tobacco (Borkum Riff, if I remember correctly). The day was spent playing games with cousins Phil and Jenny, the calm and quiet cousins. The adults gathered around the kitchen table after the big meal was cleaned up. I liked it when my uncle invited me to join in the card game that usually was played in the evening, and I recall how much he hated it when I won.

By the way, I don’t think there was ever booze at any of my family gatherings. It wasn’t that my family was opposed to alcohol. Alcohol just wasn’t a part of our family, especially during the holidays. I’m glad for that. I can only think of one Christmas where any alcohol was involved — and it was a Christmas without family. My first wife and I were yet to have children, but there was no family gathering that Christmas day. It was just the two of us. That Christmas day brought pleasant weather. We made a nice Christmas meal, followed by a walk in the woods, then wine in front of the fire. She almost never drank with me, but she did that day, and snuggling together with a blanket wrapped around us is one of the tender moments I prefer to remember about her. She gave me several presents that day, none of them wrapped and, well, I probably shouldn’t dwell on that part of the memory.

My family always includes God in our Christmas. We are Christians, every one of us serious about our faith, so church just naturally was the place we wanted to be, especially on Christmas. Mom always played the piano or organ for Christmas eve services, the beauty of hearing her play etched on my heart. We often sang carols as a family when celebrating Christmas at home, many of us gathered around the piano in our living room. Grandma S loved to hear me sing, always next to me, her arm around my shoulders, tears in her eyes, proud of her daughter and of me. I will remember those who helped me learn to know God tonight, as I worship tonight at Christmas eve services, bathed in the glow of a faith that was formed so long ago during those times with my family.

Times are different now. My grandparents passed away some time ago. Mom passed a few years ago. Dad is happy to be home on Christmas, but really looking forward to our family get together in a few days. He celebrates Christmas day with his sister. My brothers celebrate Christmas at home, too far away from each other to have the same type of family get togethers we enjoyed as children. Christmas together has become a planned affair. It’s almost never on Christmas day or eve any more. I like Christmas day with Lisa, a quiet day with a nice dinner we prepare together, and presents around the tree when the mood strikes. There will be a fire in the fireplace. It’s possible we will go out to see a movie (we’re thinking of Song Sung Blue).

My children will be elsewhere, with my daughter living in Bolivia and the other spending the day with his mother. It’s fun to see my daughter creating her own Christmas, with turkish khavalti and dinner with friends yesterday. She baked and fretted over the breakfast. I will miss watching them open their presents, something I enjoyed when they were children. My fondest memory might be the Christmas she got a doll stroller, and she dressed the welsh terrier up then pushed him around the house in the stroller. Then there was the Christmas I gave my son a very nice leather baseball glove — and I am pretty sure we broke it in that day. My arm was tired from all the catch we played. There also was always freshly baked cinnamon rolls, my ex’s specialty, and the smell of those rolls baking was heavenly. Those cinnamon rolls are a good memory I have of her, but also bittersweet. As our relationship waned, the tradition of making those rolls went away. I think I want to remember the sweetness. There will always be a sadness lingering at Christmas, a melancholy knowing how divorce has affected Christmas for my children. Christmas reminds me of what is lost when a marriage turns to divorce. I see that loss in my kids, and I can only pray that their lives are moving on despite that loss. I hope their memories turn to the good things, the happy Christmas memories.

I am also reminded of God’s grace at Christmas time. God coming to us as a man was just another revealing of God’s character, who he really is, and I realize how great his mercy and love is for me. He has given so much, and forgiven so much. He was born so I might receive the greatest gift of all, his eternal love. God chooses to share that with me. The comfort of that makes Christmas the best time of year.

May you have a blessed Christmas!

Hyundai Hybrid Hell

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blog, cars, hyundai, lessons learned, life, personal, travel, writing

Discouragement is a three letter word, spelled C-A-R. I have made several bad vehicle choices over the course of my lifetime, and I am very afraid my current choice of vehicle is once again a bad one. This follows a very good choice, and I regret not considering another Subaru this time around. My Crosstrek was such a good, dependable, sensible car. When I replaced my Subaru this past September with a 2021 Hyundai Santa Fe HEV, I was attracted to the idea of a hybrid. I commute 2-3 days a week, a little more than 140 miles per day, so gas mileage and comfort were two big considerations for choosing the Hyundai hybrid. I liked the roomy interior and trunk space of the mid-size SUV, the comfort of the leather seats, and the airy feel the panoramic roof provides. 19″ alloy wheels give the Santa Fe a nice, quiet ride. To top it off, my wife has enjoyed her two Hyundai Elantras, extremely reliable vehicles. I thought I was going to have the same experience with my Santa Fe hybrid.

Since September, I have become acquainted with the dealer’s service department too well. Today is the fourth service visit (I may be missing one or two visits in my count) and the second time I have been without my car. Since I bought my car, I have been without it for several days at a time. The first time, I was given a loaner for a few days while I waited for the dealer to diagnose the issue with my car, but only after I raised the issue with the salesman who sold the car to me. My car’s air conditioning quit working the day after I bought the car. Once diagnosed, I was told that I really wouldn’t need the air conditioning — and they told me that because the part needed (a replacement inverter, a part specific to hybrids) would not be available for more than a month. Eventually, after two weeks of driving the car without AC, I was able to convince the dealer to find the part needed, and they expedited it. A month after I bought the car, the air conditioning was finally fixed. Then there was a problem with a damaged lift gate panel (fixed immediately). And then the rear view camera quit working, a software update that fixed itself. I am not dissatisfied with the service I have received, even though the air conditioning problem could have been initially solved better — I should not have had to push for better attention.

Today, the car is at the dealer. Monday morning, while driving to work, my Hyundai suddenly lost power. It basically went into limp mode. The hybrid battery level indicator began to drop rapidly, and a ‘Check Hybrid System, Stop Safely’ message lit up the dash. It was 5:30 AM, dark, and I was on a snow lined country road. A few hundred yards later, the car quit moving while I was still on the road and looking for a place to pull over. Thankfully, no one was behind me. And also thankfully, all I had to do was shut the car off and turn it back on again. It seems odd to say that, but this car is not key start. It has a push button start. I also noted that the gas mileage has dropped considerably. Right now, the car is getting around 22-23 mpg, which is 10 mpg less than what it is rated and 10-12 mpg less than what I was getting until recently. Since Monday, the car has shut down twice more while I was driving it.

What did the service technician say this morning? First of all, he said his Hyundai hybrid gets 4-5 mpg less gas mileage in cold weather. OK. That’s news to me, and 10 mpg less should indicate a problem. If the car lags that much when depending on the gas engine more, then the engine is underpowered and is a flaw that should be corrected. After checking out the car, he told me there were no fault codes, so no problem with the hybrid system is indicated. Did he check the batteries? No. But he is keeping the car outside today to see if that will cause the same issue. I am at home now, since a porter took me home. They are going to come pick me up later today. My concern? The symptoms are already indicating an issue. The tech shouldn’t need a fault code to see there is a problem. Dismissing the issue seems to be a common practice with this dealer, as they dismissed me when the air conditioning quit. Honestly, it really looks like they are hiding design flaws and problems with Hyundai hybrids. It looks like they sold me a lemon, knowing there are problems with the Hyundai Santa Fe hybrid design.

We shall see. I am hoping that the dealer can restore my confidence moving forward. Otherwise, I see headaches in my future.

One final note — I am doing my best to honor God through this, and am encouraged to have thus far behaved in a WWJD fashion. Praying that continues!

Update: Since there was no fault code, the tech could not figure out the issue. After sitting in their lot all day, the car did not repeat the problem. Not sure what to do. All I know is that the next time it gets frigid outside, the car is going to fail again.

Waiting to See

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bible, Christianity, faith, fatherhood, God, jesus, life, personal, relationships

I wonder what is going to happen. In the grand scheme of things, I only get snippets of what is to come. Planning brings about some comfort of control, an illusion of sorts, but one can only plan so much. After the planning, sanity hinges on being content with hanging on for the ride. The experiences of this life teach us when to hang on the tightest, the learning shows us who really has control, who really helps keep us on the rails.

I worry. What is going to happen to my knee, for instance? Will the doctor decide it’s better to keep the one I have — which is what he is preparing me for right now? Worry is not going to control that. Allowing someone else to guide me, to follow that guidance, to accept what they are telling me, is going to bring about the best outcome.

I worry. Will my son find some contentment and a life that he is happy with? He’s going through some tough times that could be better times, but he hasn’t learned yet to recognize that. I’m not sure where his father (me) falls into that picture. He’s in the big city (Chicago), a place I don’t really like, a place just far enough away that it takes some sacrifice on my part to be there if he needs me. A part of me wants him to learn on his own, but another part of me yearns for him to want me to be there. I’m his dad, and he calls me when he needs my ‘knowledge’ about fixing his car, or what to do about an ailment. There is so much more I wish I knew about him, that he would share with me. And I worry about that. I realize I am not in control.

So I pray. That’s when I realize who really is in control. Just like I am with my son, I know God wants to hear more than what I need him to fix. He knows my heart, knows what I need, but as my father he needs to hear it from me. What God really desires is for me to walk next to him — and that’s really what prayer is. It feels strange to know that God is so big, yet he is available to me, is ready to be there for me — arms open wide, guiding me along the way. Keeping me on track.

Flexibility

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exercise, fitness, health, life, personal, training, wellness

I’m 64, so I really don’t know what to expect my flexibility and strength to be when compared to others my age or younger. Yesterday was my evaluation session for physical therapy. The therapist put me through a fairly rigorous exam, testing my flexibility and strength, and measuring the range of motion for both knees. He was very thorough, concentrating not only on my bad knee, but my healthy knee as well as ankle, hip, calf, and thigh. The exam became a bit of a competition, and I wanted to do my best. What surprised me? The damaged leg, which is my right leg, is surprisingly stronger than my left. The left has sustained no damage over the course of my life. The right? Well, not only is the knee destroyed, but I have scar tissue in the calf due to the muscle being crushed in a motorcycle accident while in my twenties.

This is already starting to sound like a scene from Jaws.

Back to the therapy session. Despite being deceptively strong, my right leg is around 20 degrees short when it comes to range of motion. That is one of the reasons I am serious about investigating a knee replacement. As it turns out, both my ortho and the physical therapist want to try to keep me intact for as long as possible. Yesterday was the second of three gel injections, and therapy is concentrating on correcting the tension my body has naturally created to sustain stability on my right side. The IT band and hamstrings on the right side, as well as the left side, is very tight. My body is fighting to stay healthy. So I have exercises to do every day to loosen up the ligaments and muscles in my legs, correct the core strength. I have to say that I am enjoying it at the moment. We shall see if that enjoyment continues.

I don’t feel too bad for a 64 year old guy with a gimpy knee. Here’s hoping that continues!

Fat Fingers

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guitar, life, music, personal, writing

I have an excuse to chew my fingernails. Guitar.

I have also discovered my fingertips are fat.

Never will I be a virtuoso, nor do I strive to be. When I bought my guitar using the Bravo points my coworkers had awarded me, my goal was to learn to play well enough to sing a few songs while playing. My son in law plays, and he sings each morning during his prayer time. That’s what I want to do. I wouldn’t mind being able to serenade my sweetheart, as well.

It’s a six string Ibanez, for those who want to know, a nice looking dark brown acoustic. People tells me it looks good and sounds like it looks. I took lessons for a few months after I first got the guitar. Lessons are expensive. Then Lisa and I decided to buy a house. Buying a house meant cutting the frills for a while, and we moved 30 miles away from the music store, so the lessons stopped. A friend had told me about a good online guitar lessons site, so I enrolled there. Until recently, I didn’t attempt much. My in person lessons didn’t go well, and the struggle continued with the online lessons. But I have kept coming back, and now know four chords, can play them well enough.

My fingertips still feel chubby. Practice will (hopefully) rid me of that. The notes are sounding more clear, the callouses are forming. I am crossing my fingers, literally, and am trying to make it a priority to play every day. We shall see.

Oh…and I am also tooting my horn more. The chops are coming back. It’s possible that I may get to be part of a little brass section for Easter services at church next year. Last year, I sang in the choir, a whole lot of fun — our church likes to make Easter a celebration rather than a somber event. I put the bug in our music pastor’s ear this past weekend, let him know I was interested in playing my horn, even gave him a few song hints. He was very interested.

I think I will keep the guitar thing to myself, though. There is a sweetness to being able to sing, and I envy those who can. Maybe it will be me some day.

’twas the night before…

Tags

Christmas, life, nature, personal, snow, winter

…returning to work after a full week of staycation. I’m not going to deny it, there is a nagging dread of going back to work, with the option of sleeping in and then spending the first few hours of the morning with coffee and quiet time no longer there. Tomorrow will start with the 4:45 AM alarm, a 70 mile commute, and the reality of an email inbox that has not had my attention for over a week. I just planned out my week, the first three days a challenge due to knee appointments on Tuesday and Wednesday. That means I need to start work early each of my first two days back, since I need to be at the doctor’s by 3:45 in the afternoon on Tuesday — a nice 70+ mile drive from the office. Good thing I am rested up!

Our house is festive both inside and out. Friday, I spent a good portion of the day putting up the Christmas lights and yard decorations. Lisa and our granddaughter did a delightful job turning the inside of the house into a beautiful Christmas display. We all put the tree up and decorated it this afternoon, a warm fire crackling in the fireplace, Christmas Vacation (Lisa’s favorite) and A Christmas Story (my favorite) on the TV while we worked on the tree. Lisa and I put together a tasty Sunday lunch, something we do every Sunday after church. With our granddaughter here, I also had to whip up a batch of mashed potatoes (with cheese, sour cream, lots of butter, and bacon), her request for nearly every Sunday lunch.

Outside is a winter wonderland, the first winter snow of the season blanketing the lawn and trees. I’m not sure how much snow there was, but it looks like it must be around 8 inches. We woke up to the snow yesterday morning, which I loved until I had to go outside and clear the snow from the drive and walks. To my chagrin, the snowblower that I got over the summer didn’t work very well. The snow was deep and wet, so it clogged the discharge chute. I finally had to resort to using the shovel. My next door neighbor was grateful that I cleared his driveway and walks, which I was glad to do. He cleared ours several times last winter. Bill came outside to thank me, and later on knocked on our front door with a gift of Christmas cookies and hot chocolate mix.

Lisa and I spent the majority of this afternoon languishing on the couch, cozy and warm from the fire. We have enjoyed several fires in the fireplace the past few days. We will earn some more of those lazy days from our work this week!