I tried not to hesitate, but that’s the point.
Last Friday, I ventured a few hours south to Brown County State Park, Indiana. My goal for the past few summers has been to soothe my soul with sweet single track trails, a goal I haven’t really been able to attain yet.. but I am getting there. Life keeps getting in the way, not always a bad thing. So I decided that I was going to make a solo trek, a semi spontaneous trip with little planning except to load my bike on the back of my car, with a change of clothes and nutrition for the ride.
It feels a bit unnatural to be doing things on my own right now, even though that has been the case for some time now. Now I have that separated, living in divorce limbo cloud hanging constantly over me, so that gives me that disjointed feel. It doesn’t help when people look at me like a broken toy when they find out that status. I hate it. I hate the waiting, the real desire to move on with my life. That even includes wanting a companion, something that really isn’t right for me to do until I am a divorced, recovered from said divorce, man.
All of the above necessitates keeping active, not sitting around and letting depression take over. Thus the bike trip. As much as I like to ride Brown County, I almost had to force myself out the door.
The previous Wednesday pretty much forced me out the door. In one afternoon, I found out that my company may not be able to pay me at the end of the month, I need a root canal, I owe an additional $6813 federal tax from 2016, and my homeowners association is requiring me to buy a $855 window for my condo. All of that hit in about a two hour time period. I looked at what I have socked away from the sale of the house, carefully planned in preparation of the coming divorce storm, and realized that there likely will be nothing left of that money come the end of August.
I will make it, I know. I keep telling myself that God will provide. The storm may be heavy for a while, but I won’t sink.
Geez… what a depressing blog! The ride was great. Just what the doctor ordered, even though it kicked my butt. The time alone was therapeutic. The quiet and change of scenery, heck the scenery alone was calming. At one point in the ride, a mountain bike skills instructor told her three students to watch me as I cleared a large log obstacle on the trail, clapping for me as I passed by them, beaming with pride.
July 13th is a status hearing. Ummmm… I wonder how much the lawyer is going to charge for that…… lol