WARNING: I am going to write quite a bit more personally today than I normally do. Proceed with caution.
As might be evident, I have intentionally avoided talking about my pending divorce here. Now and then the topic has come up in a blog, but it’s just not something that I have wanted to put out there in this blog. It’s a challenge to me as there are not too many off switches in my personality, my normally introverted extrovert self has no problem sharing whatever is itching at my soul, my heart an open book. Anyone who knows me will probably tell you that I am embarrassingly open. Just ask my children and they will give you an emphatic YES. It’s the way that I am put together, the way that I have to be, both a blessing and a curse at times.
Part of the reason that I am reluctant to bring up the topic of my divorce here is my faith. Hopefully, it is evident that I try to live my life in a way that honors God. I want people to see my flaws, see me as genuine, but I also am afraid of showing a side of me that is contrary to what is expected of a person who wants to be known as a Christ follower, a Christian. Divorce is a touchy subject when it involves Christians, a decision that can not be made without a whole lot of prayer, study, and talking with friends who also know God. With me, the last few years (more than just a few) involved just that. This was not a decision that I or my wife made overnight. When I asked my wife for a divorce two years ago, I asked in a way that was more of an ultimatum — I need you to change, have dealt with the questions and issues enough that I need to see if you really want to be married to me. Ultimately, she didn’t. Say what she wants, but it was just as much or more her decision. We both gave up. Frankly, I don’t know who gave up first. When I did give up, I gave her enough reasons to do the same. Years of disrespect towards me took its toll and I could no longer find a place to stuff it.
For me, I need to know that God is OK with my decision to divorce. How odd it has felt to pray and ask God if He could bless something that I know full well God does not approve of. Even more odd is that I could and can see that God is blessing the decision. The months since our final separation, when we sold our house and moved into our own places, have not been a time of moving away from God. On the contrary, I felt the wall of pain crumble, the constant stress of living with two people who were toxic to me suddenly taken away. My walk with God has become constant, my hunger to learn more amplified by the opportunity to read and study, to bask in the quiet. There has been much needed healing. I can see it in myself, I can see it in my children (even my son), even see it in my wife. There is no desire to reunite, as we both see that this divorce is something that needs to happen. We both are at peace, I think.
My son is reaching out to me. The distance has been good for us. He texts me, calls me now and then. Saturday night, he sent me videos he took at the concert he was at, evidence of the influence that I have had on him over the years. I have been the one to go to concerts with him, ball games, played golf with him as well as plenty of other sports. I see him trying to mature, a challenge to the males of today in this age of stunted maturity. There is hope.
And that is what this whole thing is about… hope.
Wednesday morning at 9 AM is the final hearing, the prove up. Unless something happens to change things, I will be divorced in two days.
The next chapter begins.
shenrydafrankmann 
Don’t know much about what to say…. You know I wish you the best, brother. I wish you the peace you need.
I think that’ll do.
That’ll do (pig).
Oops.. that was a line from Babe.
Was it Babe or Charlottes Web?
best of luck to all of you as you move forward with your lives –
Best wishes for you and your changing family. I can’t imagine a God that would be unhappy with you and your (joint) decision given the thought and effort that was put into it.
It’s difficult. My first day was rather easy, but didn’t really concern more than myself. The second day has been more difficult, especially since my daughter expressed more of her concerns, I don’t know what I feel right now.
I wish for you peace and love and all that is good, Steve….May you and your family all find happiness with your new lives. Nice to see that you and your son are on the same playing field, these days…..Happy Thanksgiving, Buddy! ❤ Lucie
Hi there, I’m still sneaking in from time to time.
I wasn’t raised in a house with any kind of religion whatsoever and have struggled my entire life as far as what I believe. However, as much as my opinion counts (haha), I would like to believe that God wants his children to be happy and live with peace in their hearts and minds. I don’t believe that any person should feel guilt for that. I know we do anyway, as I’ve been where you are…..twice ( hangs head).
Some of us have watched your struggles, first on Multiply then on here, so we feel for you and are big cheerleaders for you. At least I feel I am.
Your children will soon see the peace in you and their mother and forgiveness will come. As they mature and grow, so will your relationship with them.
I wish you well, my blogging friend. Now I must go back and catch up on months of blogs, get my head out of my hiney and start blogging again! Hugs
I think you hit it on the head when you said that God wants us to be at peace. God does indeed. I A passage in the Bible , words from Hesus, convinced me of that and it was what changed my mind.
Thanks. It’s always good to hear from you!
Is your divorce biblical? (i.e. adultery was involved or you were abandoned by an unbeliever.) God will bless your divorce if your reasons for the divorce are godly. I hope you will find peace and comfort because there is no way you can rest in the decision to divorce if the question of whether or not God approves is in the air. God bless you!
I believe that God is blessing me and it took divorce to see that, even for many of those blessings to be possible.