I just had a cool conversation with my daughter. She is 20 years old now. 20 freaking years old! I know. It’s cool and strange. How in the world did it happen? When my wife and I moved into the house I am sitting in as I attempt to type this blog right now, that 20 year old girl was not even conceived.
And my little girl called me. For advice. OK, not necessarily advice, she just needed to hear things from her father’s perspective.
Here is what is going on. You see, my daughter has this guy interested in her. As it turns out, she is also interested in him. I saw it coming. Slowly. He knows her from counseling at a summer camp the past few years. He has been corresponding with her by letter(s) for a few years.
As a guy with experience in such things, I know I wouldn’t write letters to a girl unless I hoped she liked me just a little.
Said guy is 25 years old. My little girl JUST turned 20.
That was her first question tonight. OK, Dad, what do you think about that?
Let me ask you this — what would YOU think about that?
I told her that I will need to meet this guy, as well as let time shape my thinking about him, before I can tell her what I think about it. My response to her was that age is just a number. After all, when I was his age, there were girls her age that caught my eye. Very few were interesting enough to really make me want to date them, beyond just a “geez, dating a girl that pretty would be cool” feeling, something that I learned quickly was not enough. This guy has had time to think about that.
I warned her to not get in a hurry. He is in that time of his life where his life is changing, he wants someone who might just be good to spend time with.. maybe even settle down with. He is going to be looking for something more serious than any guy she has dated before. She needs to be ready for that.
I understand that, Dad. I know. Thanks for telling me that, though. That’s one of the reasons I asked your opinion. You aren’t going to be as excited about this as mom is and I need that kind of thinking. You are my dad, after all.
Frankly, I like that she asked my opinion. I know she has been talking to her mom about him for some time now.
“If you are thinking about him that seriously already, I said, think about why you are thinking that way.” I told her. Think about why you like him. Does he have what it takes to be a companion to you, someone who is going to be a companion years from now? Look at your mother and I, think about the relationship that we have — what you know is good about that relationship and what is bad. Think about him that way. Look at your grandparents, at what they had.
I told her that even now I needed to do that, asked her grandfather about the relationship that he had with my wife’s mother. I asked him because I needed to know more about her and what makes her tick. I encouraged my daughter to find out about his parents, what he thinks about them, what their relationship is like. That is going to shape how he looks at her.
It was a good conversation. It made me feel good. It made me feel like a father.
You know what else she told me? One of the best gauges she has about boyfriends is what her brother thinks about the boys she dates. Interesting.
There you go. More stuff.