“Madness can be a medicine for the modern world” – Hannibal Lecter

I have a craving for fava beans and a nice chianti lately.  Isn’t that wonderful, Clarice?

Ever since I got my CPAP machine, I have been sleeping like Dr. Lecter.  Getting used to sleeping with a machine blowing and sucking through my nose all night can, at times, drive one to near cannibalistic madness.  This may be near impossible believe, but I have not and will not reach that point.. at least not as a result of the machine.

Contrary to what one might think, I think (therefore, I am) that being subjected to a CPAP machine just makes me more sexy.  It does not make me seem old.

“Debbie, did you hear that Steve is sleeping with one of those sexy masks?”

“Oh yeah, Sue, I hear it gives him more suction.”

“Oooooooo, just think what it’s like to listen to heavy breathing all night!”

“I bet he’s a real sex machine.”

(Can we hit it and quit?)

I required a little time to get accustomed to sleeping while wearing the mask, as well as the constant suction and air blowing down my throat.  Quickly, I learned that opening my mouth after the machine gets to full pressure is not the most pleasant experience.  Air comes rushing out of my gob.  Talking is near impossible.  If my mouth drops open in the middle of the night, I wake up.

But I sleep like the baby that I am.  I no longer snore, as far as I know.  Mir still does not sleep with me the majority of the time.  After over a month, I can sleep through all or the majority of the night wearing the mask.  Some mornings, I wake up with an hour or so left to sleep and I take the mask off.

I have been fairly diligent with keeping the mask and air hose clean.  Here’s a tip for you if a CPAP is in your future — when you wash the air hose, make sure you hang it so that the hose properly drains.  Let’s just say that last night the sound of the water blowing through the hose, plus the water collecting on my nose, made sleeping a tad bit difficult.  I discovered after about ten minutes of enduring the moisture madness that the solution was to remove the mask and let the machine blow the water out.

Life is gooder.  Yes.  Gooder.  I have not noticed a huge difference in how alert I am during the day, but I do seem to have a bit more energy.

So.  I have CPAP.  Yippee.